This story actually begins before we had any children. Rob and I had discussed having kids and as you do you we had discussed how many we would have. Rob is one of five and I am one of three. I was keen to have three children. Rob was not as keen and I think secretly thought he had got out of becoming a Dad, until he met me of course.
There was no question in my mind we were going to have kids, the question was “how many?” We decided that the best compromise would be to have two.
Having children is such a blessing and something we can take for granted, especially when it doesn’t come easy.
I also feel it is one of the most humbling things you will do.
I was fortunate with having my first child, we fell pregnant easily and without complications.
Our second child came nearly two years after the first. Definitely easier the second time round, but busier too.
When you have your first you wonder what you did with all that time you had before having a baby. Then you have your second and you think, how on earth will I manage to fit this in? Basically you just do it, you have no choice and you just make it work.
I was very much the lioness with her cubs when it came to my children.
I fiercely wanted to be the one to look after them. I felt privileged to have been in the position to have that choice, however, it did mean my husband worked two jobs so that I could be the Mum.
Whatever your situation you have to make it work for you and YOUR family. There are no correct scenarios, just whatever works.
I was often told how lucky I was, people saying “you don’t have to work”. It used to irk me when each time this was mentioned, at the time I didn’t know what it was like to be a full time working mother. I did have my market stall for a few years too. What I did know was that I was a full time Mum 24/7, with a baby and a toddler. To me that was hard work.
So there we were a happy family of four. I had my two boys and we were really content. Sean was nearly five and I had moved on from wanting child number three. I had closed that door. Even mourned the fact that it wouldn’t happen.
I threw myself into my career and Loll Doll makeup by Lauriely was in full swing and taking off.
Life was good, in fact it was great.
It was one day, quite out of the blue. I think I had been chatting with Rob about my friend’s baby. He casually said, well if you really want another one it’s up to you. Well you can imagine my female brain going into overdrive.
At first I wasn’t sure if I should hug him or slap him, I mean our youngest was FIVE!!! I also believe that it is a joint decision to have another child.
If it was up to me I would have had one years ago!
We then didn’t really talk about it for a while. I did of course, to everyone and anyone who would listen. “Should I, shouldn’t I??? I was really confused. I went through all the pros and cons, I googled “gaps” for how many years between children. I mean how long is too long? I did find out though that the perfect age gap is between 3-4 years apparently. I even asked the boys. Ryan was very keen, actually excited at the thought. Sean’s exact response was “Why do we need another baby?”
I spent the next couple of months in limbo,
my contented life now felt out of sync.
Finally I spoke with Rob and we made the decision to try for another – “crazy, I know”. I figured we will give it six months and if it is meant to be it will be.
During our getting pregnant phase we did have family around with small babies, which didn’t help to put us at ease that this was the right idea. We had a chat again and thought maybe this isn’t the right time. That sense of uncertainty came back again. I had to get my head around that we won’t have another baby. This saddened me and the feeling of being incomplete crept in.
I think my desire to have another baby just hadn’t subsided. At Christmas time when we decorated the tree I always felt that someone was missing.
That our family puzzle was not complete.
So while we were deciding not to have another baby, nature had made her own decision.
I was pregnant!!!! I cried! How was I going to tell Rob, that our decision not to have another had been over thrown?
When I did tell him he was completely fine with it, even seemed a little excited.
I then started the first trimester and to be honest I felt terrible for the whole three months. I even became a little depressed, I cried most days. I had a couple of sayings rolling on repeat in my head.
“Be careful what you wish for”
“You made your bed, now lie in it”
I had comments from people saying, wow you’re starting again, back to nappies or you’re keen finally get your last one off to school and you have another. Or you’re just having another to have a girl! Seriously, of course that would be nice, but that wasn’t the reason.
Constantly taunting myself. I really felt sick, work was hard, kids were hard, it was all hard. My perfect content life had been turned upside down. Well, this is what it felt like in my mind.
Then one day during one of my self-pitying days. My close girlfriend said:
“Sometimes when things start out really badly they end up being really good”.
That was all it took for me to get out of my slump and also finishing that first three months and things started to look up.
By the time the third trimester had arrived excitement had replaced any misgivings that I’d had. I was going to have another Baby!!
The day finally arrived and Kace was born.
Boy number three!!!
I can honestly say that in that moment all second thoughts melted away. We had our missing piece to our family puzzle, he was here at last.
It wasn’t like starting again, to me it was like continuing the journey. The two older boys couldn’t have looked more proud. This little baby was to have four doting family members.
I also found it so much easier. It was like having your first child all over again, but with all the knowledge. The older two would catch the bus and I would “play babies”.
I felt like I had been given a true gift to be able to do it all again and this time catch my breath.
My husband even thanked me for pushing for number three. It has certainly completed our family. We even considered a fourth!!! Now that Kace has just turned six I don’t think this will be a reality.
But then again we never know what life has in store for us.